How adoption changes people’s marriages

Posted by Josh Valentine | Apr 16, 2021

Choosing to give a child a home with you through adoption is a beautiful thing. While adoption could be the most rewarding thing you ever do, you must recognize the gravity of the commitment you are making and how it can change your marriage.

Deciding to adopt

Couples reach the decision to adopt in different ways, some for personal or health reasons, while others are step-parents or foster parents who wish to adopt.

Many couples come to adoption after years of struggling with infertility. This takes its toll, and it would be wise for couples in this position to consider if they are ready to embark on the adoption process.

Before you set the wheels in motion, you will want to be sure that your relationship is strong, your finances and adoption budget are in order, and you are ready to face the somewhat intrusive home study requirement. 

Financial considerations

Adoption will inevitably have a significant impact on your family finances. Domestic open adoption, private adoption, and international adoption are expensive endeavors costing anywhere from $15 to hundreds of thousands of dollars. This is before you even consider the costs of raising and educating a child.

Emotional considerations

Adoption is a highly emotional process, and minor frustrations or delays can hit hard. In particular, you should be prepared for the home study required in nearly all North Carolina adoptions. An evaluator will make several visits to your home, interviewing you carefully to prepare a report for the court's review.

Practical considerations

You have to preempt the countless practical arrangements you will need to make to adopt and raise a child. Ahead of the home study, you will want to hammer out all the practical details with your partner regarding how you plan to raise your child. You should discuss everything from childcare to education and parenting philosophies.

Experienced North Carolina Family Law Attorneys

If you are considering adoption, schedule a consultation with our compassionate and caring attorneys. Whether an agency or private adoption, local, interstate, or international, we have the experience to help. Caulder and Valentine support parents throughout North Carolina from our offices in Shelby and Gastonia. You can call us on 704-470-2440 or contact us online today.

About the Author

Josh Valentine

You could say Josh has a God-given ability for sustaining long-term relationships. He and his wife first met in elementary school and went to Gardner Webb University (GWU) together, where they tied for number 1 in their class. Then, they both started law school on the same day of their graduation and got married during their first semester. He has also known his law partner Blake Caulder since Kindergarten. Theirs is the perfect partnership. “He’s the brake; I am the accelerator,” Josh says. Both Josh and his wife attended an innovative program at Charlotte Law School that allowed them to complete law school in two years instead of the typical three. His wife graduated and passed the North Carolina bar at age 20, becoming one of the youngest attorneys in the state. He readily admits she’s smarter than him. Of course, Josh went on to pass the North Carolina State Bar himself and later the South Carolina State Bar. While in school, he was Associate Editor of the Law Review and received accolades like Phi Delta Phi International Legal Honor Society membership, Order of the Crown, Pro Bono Honors, CALI Awards (highest grade). In his career as a lawyer, he has been admitted to the United States Federal Court for the Western District of North Carolina, is a member of the American Association of Premier DUI Attorneys, and completed training for DWI Detection & Standardized Field Sobriety Testing. Josh has also been named to the Top 40 Under 40 for Criminal Defense by The National Trial Lawyers, the Business North Carolina 2019 Legal Elite for Criminal Defense, and the 10 Best Attorneys for Client Satisfaction by the American Institute of Criminal Law Attorneys three years in a row (2016, 2017, and 2018). Community involvement has been important to Josh all his life. In high school, he participated in building a Holocaust museum that has become internationally regarded. He and his wife are actively engaged in animal rescue, which currently means seven cats and two kittens. He served in prison ministry and assisted with fundraiser banquets there, and he provides pro bono and reduced fee legal services to those in need. As if all of that weren’t enough, Josh also mentors high risk youth and helps with his church’s youth group. He participates in other community volunteer projects involving construction, remodeling, drywall, painting, and landscaping. He’s an active student of the Bible and has traveled to Israel, Brazil, and Europe for mission work. No one can say Josh isn’t a well-rounded individual. In his spare time, he likes to play softball, basketball, and tennis, and he can play the piano and trombone. Sometimes on weekends, believe it or not, he enjoys pouring and finishing concrete with friends who own a concrete and grading business. In his law practice, Josh has made it a point to develop positive relationships with officers, clerks, and district attorneys, which has proven invaluable in delivering positive results for his clients. It’s important to him to both listen to his clients and fight for them. Law enforcement officers have important responsibilities to keep our communities safe and uphold the law, but one of the responsibilities of attorneys is to make sure officers do their job correctly. Josh considers it his job to hold them accountable for their actions. Josh is a person of deep faith. He knows that the established order of our universe and strength of America’s Judeo-Christian influenced court system is built on God’s word. His passion to serve each client with innovation, excellence and integrity is a byproduct of his faith. When asked why he became a lawyer, Josh says, “All through my life, I have personally witnessed family members and very close friends endure divorce, child custody battles, bankruptcy, civil lawsuits, and even fraudulent criminal accusations. I both saw and experienced the stress such events can place on an individual, and I realized that everyone, at some point in their life, needs hope, comfort, and encouragement. In each one of those situations, the person who was best situated to provide that vital support was their lawyer. So that’s why I became an attorney. I understand what you are going through, and I’m here to help you. Our office is focused on meeting your needs and guiding you through what may be the most difficult time of your life.” Education: Charlotte School of Law J.D., Magna Cum Laude Class Rank – 21 of 328 Associate Editor of Charlotte School of Law Law Review Certification and Concentration in Employment Law Phi Delta Phi International Legal Honor Society Order of the Crown Pro Bono Honors CALI Awards (Highest Grade)—Lawyering Process I and Contracts I Full Scholarship Gardner-Webb University B.S. in Accounting, Summa Cum Laude Distinguished Senior Student Award – Highest GPA Alpha Sigma Lambda National Honorary Society Bar Admissions: North Carolina State Bar